Are you feeling stuck in your current relationship? Does it seem like things have stagnated, and the once romantic wonder has turned into the dry boredom of steady routine?
All long term relationships have their ups and downs. When you’re deeply entrenched in a situation, it can be difficult to decide whether you should stay or go. Before you make any decisions, consider the following questions to see how you really feel.
1) Is Everything OK?
Obviously, something is not okay, or you wouldn’t be feeling this way. But that something might not actually have to do with your relationship. Our partners are often the focal points of our lives. They provide continual emotional and physical support and make everything seem better. So when things don’t feel good, it can be easy to assume that your partner is at fault.
If you feel sad or depressed, take stock of your situation. A good method is to write down all of your problems. Put your relationship problems at the top of the list; they’re easy to think of and will get your brain working. Once you’ve finished those, start writing down everything else that is wrong in your life – even the things you might not want to accept. At the bottom of the list, you may be surprised to find that the stress of your job, the expectations that society has put on you, or even just normal fears are actually deeply affecting your psyche. Your relationship may not be perfect, but those imperfections may not be the cause of your feelings of distress.
2) Do You Want to Stay?
Sometimes a relationship isn’t meant to be, and that’s okay. But sometimes it’s easier to struggle with our loved ones than to face the real problems in our lives.
There is no textbook answer to whether you should stay in a relationship. As with any important decision, you should consider what you stand to gain and lose from either choice. Staying with someone who is struggling, or someone who doesn’t understand your struggles, can be a very difficult thing.
Make time to talk with your partner about your feelings. Avoid reasons and blame; instead, focus on how you feel, whether that is sad, depressed, abandoned, angry, or scared. If you don’t get it out in the open, you will never be able to find the real source of your feelings. And if the problem is your relationship, your attempts to connect will eventually make that clear.
Whether you’re planning to leave or planning to stay, your and your partner’s health are extremely important. A lack of physical wellness may be the cause of your feeling that something is wrong. As a part of your healthcare routine, consider getting you and your partner checked for STDs. Once you know, you’ll be able to make healthy decisions in the future.
3) Is Your Partner OK?
If your partner seems distant, aloof, rude, or otherwise unlike their usual self, they may not be doing well right now. People who don’t feel well, either physically or emotionally, have a tendency to withdraw into themselves. When you’re in a relationship, this sort of withdrawal feels extremely hurtful. Even worse, your partner may not be willing to tell you what’s wrong, or even blame you for the way they feel (just as you might blame them).
You can’t force someone to open up, but you can still provide support. If the above paragraph sounds like your partner, see what you can do to make their life better. Take on a few extra responsibilities or text them an extra time throughout the day. Don’t be pushy, because that seldom helps. Just make it clear that you’re there and that they can rely on you. And if they do blow up at you, listen.
Author Bio: Paige Jirsa– I work with https://stdtestingfacilities.com/, which provides users same day STD testing in a discrete and proficient manner.